The Doldrums

July 4, 2007 at 8:30 pm Leave a comment

 This week I am preaching and of course I’m busy with the order of service and crafting a sermon. Well, this sermon is hard in coming. Normally I feel some guidance from the Spirit but it has not kicked in yet and so I toil. My topic is about seeking the Spirit in times of brokenness and you will receive the gift of a guide to show you the way. My inspiration is the traditional story called “The Stranger’s Gift.” By Sunday I will have it together for presenting but I miss God’s help. Is God aware that I have been in the doldrums lately? Actually my sails have not been filled for quite awhile and I’m starting to feel like Job. I’m getting pissed off at God and I wanna yell, “Where are you???”

What infuriates me is that many years ago I had a dream (or vision perhaps). God was sailing me through the sky in a Spanish type galleon and as I passed over landscapes from my life, I was afraid that I would fall overboard. I can hear the words in my head today, “I will never let you down.” I have taken comfort in those words many times. Indeed that message is reinforced from time to time when quietly something happens to let me know I have not been forgotten. Most recently it was a church service in Toronto that held a message of “I’ll never let you down” for me. But still I wait and it is infuriating. (God give me patience… and I want it NOW!!!)

I’m sure most, if not all preachers have crafted and delivered sermons giving insightful interpretation and sound advice yet their heart is not in it. The Spirit is missing. I want to know why. Practicing what I preach this week would see me looking for the Spirit and/or the messenger who will give me direction. It’s worked before but why not now? Am I simply missing something? Speak louder God.

I hate being in the doldrums and crave a wind to fill my sails. O for the words of the poem to come true:

When the canvas frays

in the curach of thought

and a stain of ocean

blackens beneath you,

may there come across the waters

a path of yellow moonlight

to bring you safely home

                   (BEANNACHT by John O’ Donohue)


Entry filed under: Wrestling With God.

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