Amber Alert

October 1, 2008 at 2:03 am Leave a comment

This is an Amber Alert. Missing is one age old anthropomorphic deity, mostly seen above the clouds in the sky wearing a sweeping white robe and sporting a long snowy beard but appearing to me these last few years as a Teletubbie-like baby sunface hovering in my periphery, smiling and giggling with delight while watching my life unfold. I’m certain my deity still exists but I don’t know where. If you have any information about where I can find this deity, please contact me immediately. I miss he/she/it.

Oh, I tenderly recall the days when I was young and God was that fatherly humanoid who magically knew all and lived ‘up there’. This God watched over me and chuckled at my innocence in asking Him for certain weather or for a particular occurrence to happen. I could talk to this friend anytime and He would answer me in mysterious ways. This deity became an old and reliable, if sometimes forgotten, friend. As I matured, I remember feeling an overdue sense of duty to know this friend better and what better way than the bible. After years of trying to penetrate this book, I put my friend on ‘hold’ for a spell, a long spell. But my friend, while patient, would not be put off forever.

After some years, a feeling began to grow in me. It was the gradual realization that God wanted something. I finally understood that it was to attend church for some reason. I did, and on a weekly basis too. I happily sat among the congregation, feeling the message was directed to me and enjoying being close to my friend, although I still didn’t know why I was there. Why this particular church at this particular time? Looking back, it was my deity friend starting me on an enlightening spiritual journey. I would be supplied with years of biblical education and theological knowledge. Over those years, my deity morphed from old man in the sky to an invisible but palpable life-force that became symbolized to me as that gurgling Teletubbie baby’s sunface. I knew that the deity didn’t exist in that symbol, but it was the icon on which I could ‘click’ on to connect with the genderless, non-humanlike ‘Spirit’ as I had now come to know it. This sunface icon was a comfortable tool on the desktop of my life. I could click on it and be in Spirit mode and it was always there.

The journey my pal had set me on started at the door of the church, looking inward at the marvellous mystery. The path inside that doorway took me far and fast and just recently, I found myself at that door again, this time looking outward. Rather than leaving the church, as facing out the door would suggest, I sense that I have fulfilled a phase of my journey and now beyond this portal now lay something in the secular, or lay world, that I have been preparing for. I have no clue what that might be but I wait knowing it will be revealed one day. But something is wrong. My friend is missing. The sunface icon went missing from my desktop once I arrived at this portal. How will I discover my calling?

I still look for that sunface icon often but it remains gone; deleted from the desktop; no longer in service. I know it was just a symbol. I should be able to connect without it, but I can’t. I’ve preached to many people that the Spirit exists within so, of course, I look within me. Yes, I find familiar trappings of the Spirit but it’s as if my friend has vacated and left no date of return posted on the fridge. I’m kind of panicky. Why has the Spirit abandoned me? Have I done something wrong? ‘God’ is here somewhere. Please come back. I wait for direction.

Any ideas on where my dear friend went?

Peace

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Entry filed under: Wrestling With God.

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