Salt Water Spirit

December 3, 2008 at 3:19 pm Leave a comment

Sunday, November 30, was the last day of hurricane season here in Florida. I guess it is something like March going out like a lion or a lamb, so hurricane season ended with a big wind/rain storm and just to keep us on our toes, there was a tornado watch too. The weather Monday wasn’t bad, so Lorinda and I went for a walk on the beach, hoping the sea had thrown treasures onto the shore. The tides yesterday were three feet higher than normal and this resulted in a big chunk of the beach being washed away. The waves ate away the sand, leaving an upper ‘shelf’, then a straight drop of about four feet to the lower ‘shelf.’ Once we skittered down to the lower level I stood and admired the still enormous waves that frothed up quite close to shore; then crashed on the beach; deposited its treasure of shells and weeds; then clawed some beach back in exchange. It was powerful and energizing. The sun was shining and I felt like I was home. The sea makes me feel that way. I haven’t felt ‘at home’ for some time.

My faith journey from benighted follower to more enlightened journeyman has made me lose my spiritual home. I remind myself that my home is all of creation but it does no good. I feel adrift. The thing that created home for me; the place I could hang my spiritual hat; was my relationship with the ‘guy in the sky’ that I called God. There have been many gains on my spiritual journey but I have come to know that “God’ has no name, no gender and no human characteristics, so I have lost my connection to ‘God.’ I know that whatever ‘God’ is, is the same as before, but I don’t have a connection anymore, and that troubles me. How do I address a companion that is neither male of female; what name do I call… uh…It? Gone is the kindly old man above the clouds who communicated magically with my being. Gone is the belief that ‘He’ will answer my petition. Gone is the feeling that I am a special child. All that remains is a nameless nothingness; not a vacuum but nothingness.

As I stood in the sun and contemplated the great Gulf of Mexico that morning, my being felt the Spirit of well being and it was like being at home. I sensed my companion again. I realized I had to continue this wilderness stage of the journey and discover a way to forge a new connection with… uh… It. Perhaps things are unfolding as they should. Perhaps I should heed what a Native Elder once told me, “Just put it out there to the universe.” In other words, “Relax!”

Since feeling that closeness of Spirit from the vastness and power of the sea, I have also experienced another communication from It. It was from the sun. Beside the glorious warmth, I could feel the rays bombarding me like millions of tiny beads. I feel them touch my skin and sink in. To me, my companion was caressing me, and I love it. I think I may yet find that connection again. That makes me happy. Maybe that’s why I’m here at this weird time of year.



Entry filed under: Wrestling With God.

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