Dr. Dave Elucidates

April 6, 2011 at 7:00 am Leave a comment

“Doctor Dave, we’re confused about this election. We don’t remember wanting one and don’t think we need one, so what’s up? Please enlighten us.”

“My dear novices, of course we do not want or need an election. We are merely dupes and pawns in the game of politics for prestige.”

“We thought politics was a calling, not a game.”

“Poor, benighted souls. Politics today is about being elected in order to suckle at the public teat and gorge oneself at the state trough. Party leaders covet being Prime Minister to avail themselves of global stardom and be asterisked in history books.”

“So if there are no issues in this election, Dr. Dave, why then are we having one?”

“Simply put, the leader of the Red Party wants the prestige of being P.M. He has called out the leader of the Blue Party, on an issue all parties are guilty of, because he thinks he can win a majority and thus rule the country. However, the Blue leader is sure he can defeat the Red leader with his own majority and thereby rule the country unfettered by minority government concessions.”

“What about the Orange and Green leaders, Dr. Dave?”

“I’m glad you asked. The Orange leader is a capable man doomed to fighting the fear left by the ghost of the inept former Ontario Orange Premier. The Ontario Premier was so bad; he had to flee to the Red Party. The capable Federal Orange leader is still hobbled by that ghost. The Green Party leader, an intelligent and affable woman, is labouring to put her party and the environment on the radar. The Green leader deserves best wishes in this steep uphill battle.”

“So Dr. Dave, how much will it cost us for this meaningless playground scuffle amongst the colours?”

“It costs the country about $300 million dollars or about $9 per person to fund an election. Only 15 million of the 24 million people registered to vote bother to. That means only 15 million of our 35 million population get their $9 worth. Note too that this is the public cost and doesn’t include money we privately donate to the games of the colours.”

“We can afford nine dollars, Dr. Dave, so what’s the big deal?”

“My dear innocents. Let me ask you what the big deal is?”

“Dr. Dave, we have decided that rampant abuse of the system is the problem. Incurring large expense for what amounts to a urination contest.”

“Good for you, my children.”

“Should we then protest by not voting, revered Mentor?”

“It is one’s duty to vote, children. If the number of participating electors continues to slide, we may eventually end up in dictatorship.”

“Gasp! Oh no, Dr. Dave! Surely, that can never happen here!”

“Hopefully we placid, patient Canadians would awake and revolt before that happens.”

“How can we help, what can we do? Tell us!”

“We must build from the ground up and become candidates for office who will not be seduced by the rich milk of the public teat or have their heads turned by special interests. Candidates truly concerned with Canadians. We must purge the system to change it from what it has become. It will take commitment and time, my children.”

“We’re starting today, Dr. Dave! Thank you for imparting such enlightenment.”

“As always, you are welcome. Class dismissed.”

© Dave Jones/ Thunderbridge Productions 2011

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You’re Not Voting?? Where is Your Nose?

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